Salutations, 2010

It's December 31st. This is the part where you say, "Really???" and then I reply with something snide like, "no... It's really the Fourth of July!!!"

Anyway, life at home has been pretty boring; mostly because my computer decided on Tuesday that it hated me and would not connect back to the Internet until today. But at about 11:06 this morning we kissed and made up, so all is well and I am back online! Hence the two blog posts today... P.S. that will never ever happen again...

So much is going on today in preparation for the new year! My mother is running around like a chicken with its head cut off trying to convert the measurements in an antique German cookie recipe into their American equivalents. Who knew that 2 centiliters was equal to .67586 US fluid ounces?? Her only comment on the matter is that "these cookies had better be d*** good." And they will be. They have brandy and hazelnuts in them. And immense amounts of apricot jam. Yummy! Oh, not that I am encouraging alcohol consumption by any means...

As for the rest of my family being busy, they're all huddled around our tiny TV playing the Top Gun video game on our ancient GameCube. I say ancient because we went on a 2 hour excursion this morning in search of exciting GameCube games only to realize that only one of our seven stops even carried GameCube games anymore. Ironically, they all had a plethora of N64 games... I guess we'll just have to upgrade to an X-Box or one of those Wii systems. Dang it, there went all of my high scores.

Speaking of high scores, guess who got the highest scores on all of the levels of "Abduction" today? Yours truly, of course! It only took me forever and a day, but I finally beat out my youngest brother for the title of Abduction Champion!!! If you couldn't tell, this is a pretty big deal in my household. In honor of my becoming the champ, my dad even cooked up three t-bone steaks! Just kidding, the steaks were really cooked because our Christmas present finally arrived yesterday. 101 lbs of beef, or one-third of a slaughtered calf courtesy of my Aunt Sherrie and her kin-folk. The other two-thirds went to my other cousins and my grandparents. Needless to say we will be eating a lot of beef for the next few months, and I will be forced to leave my "no red meat" diet by the wayside in order to appease the beef gods (aka my parents) in partaking in the meat of this creature. Mmmmm, delicious...

Goodness me, I've been rattling on and on about food today! So how about we discuss more important matters, like my impending debut in a music video created by none other than myself in collaboration with my good buddy Hannah (or Hana, or Hanah, or Casper, or that crazy girl who follows me everywhere with a video camera...) We will be filming for the majority of tonight before we go and blow up stuff with pyrotechnics. It is going to be grand. For those of you with slightly diminished vocabularies, pyrotechnics is just a fancy word for explosives. Which is a fancy word for fireworks. If you don't know what fireworks are, please, for heaven's sake, get out of the box you're living in and watch a New Year celebration. For instance, the one in Berlin, Germany just happened. It's the largest outdoor celebration in the world. Which pretty much goes to show that Germans are epic and that we should be left to bask in our awesomeness...

Well, it's almost the New Year here in the good ole US of A, so salutations to 2010, and keep it klassy in the new year, y'all!

They Call Me "Picasso"

So I've been home exactly 7 days and already I've managed to bore myself to the brink of tears. This is mostly my own fault seeing as how I refuse to do anything I'm supposed to, such as cleaning my room, or working out, or baking cookies, or doing anything at all. This past week, I've opted to take the lazy route and have sat on my own big, comfy chair in attempts to complete my journey down the path of getting nothing done. It was a successful trip.

Aside from being lazy, I have managed to do a plethora of other things this week. For instance, I watched the entire second season of Merlin on BBC. I baked gingerbread cookies from scratch. I went to Gringoes and ate my weight in green sauce. I painted my finger nails silver. And I also painted. Paintings. Like, on canvas and stuff. Like the profesional artists do, and stuff. They were Christmas presents for my best friends and are NOT for sale.

To Charlie

I arrived home today for Christmas break accompanied by my good friend Charlie. She's from Minnesota and is staying the night with me before she heads back home herself. Anyway, in attempts to entertain her in the really small, exceedingly boring town I call home, I took her to the local mall for some headband shopping. Our endeavors were highly successful and we left the mall pleased with our purchases and ready to tackle the world while wearing very classy head ornaments.

This is one of the headbands Chuck bought. Isn't it cuuuute?

Our day trip was ending quite successfully, when all of a sudden the merriment came to a screeching halt. We both bore witness to a sight that was so explicit, even Google search will not allow me to search for it in it's search engine.

We saw (drum roll) a butt crack.

And not just any 'ole butt crack, either mind you! It was some big, harry man who was leaned over the hood of a car, his shorts literally half-way down his backside. It is a good thing I had already eaten lunch, because that sight may have ruined my appetite.

So I beg of you, please make sure your pants are securely fastened around your waist before exiting your place of dwelling, lest you make poor college girls sick to their stomachs.

Really guys, keep it klassy.

The Switcheroo

Tomorrow I am officially moving out of this toxic waste dump known as 225 NoRo, and into a much better room downstairs. I pretty much can't wait. My roommate situation this semester has been slightly less than ideal, and I look forward to the day when I can sit at my desk and blog about senseless stuff without being incessantly stared at. Yeah, it happens.

Anyway, I get to meet my new roommate, Hanh, tomorrow. She's Asian. I know this because of her name and because I creeped on her Facebook profile. Hanh, if you're reading this, your profile makes you seem pretty cool, and since it's not tomorrow and I haven't met you yet, I'm assuming you're a fantasticly loverly lady!

P.S. If you haven't noticed, I am an expert Facebook creeper. I creep all the time. If you have a Facebook profile, I've probably creeped on you. If not, make one so that I can creep on you. Please and thank you.



This is my totally awesom desk with my nifty computer. When I move, I get to take this stuff with me. Isn't that nice of them?

So besides having to vacate my room by Monday, this week has been stressful because it is also finals week. The cool thing about finals in college is that most of them are not cumulative finals, so you don't have to study boat-loads of material for 7 tests. It's just a little spoonful at a time and is actually not as bad as it seems.

Tip #978435498 for Finals Week

• Don't puke on the way to your first 9:00 final. You'll miss the final and then have to make it up in the afternoon and feel icky all day.

Yes, I know from experiance. And it was not fun. But I think the plague has passed and I will live. But because of my lack of energy and the absence of all forms of fluids from my digestive system courtesy of vomiting yesterday morning, I'm going to kill the sass and cut this one short. Have some klassy fun at your upcoming HOLYday galas!

Caffine Makes the World Go Round...

Today, I found myself once again in the magical land of Starbucks. I don't think one can truly experience the joys of espresso until they enter the craziness that is known to the world as "college." Truly, I tell you, Starbucks is a disgusting necessity, or a necessary evil, and could very well be compared to a modern day form of slavery. I honestly wonder if some people only work to buy Starbucks coffee; Starbucks
has over 14 million different customers each year and has about 13,000 stores spread across approximately 40 different countries. And that was just in 2006.

Has anyone else noticed that the mermaid on the Starbucks logo has no nipples?

Seriously, in 2006 the company raked in about $7.8 billion; that's about three times the GDP of Libya. If you don't know what GDP is, or what the heck Libya has to do with anything, please don't vote in the next presidential election.

So, in honor of my random tidbits about Starbucks, I've decided to provide you as accurate a history of the company as Wikipedia will allow.

Starbucks was founded in 1971 by two teachers and a writer. That might explain why teachers are always so enthusiastic to receive Starbucks gift cards from their students. Or it's just the idea of free Starbucks... Anyway, these three guys thought it would be a good idea to open up a coffee shop in Seattle, Washington, where the cold weather actually justifies drinking really hot drinks. I cannot tell you how many times I have blistered my tongue on Starbucks tea that was left in the kettle too long. So the three compadres were happy selling coffee beans out of their Seattle-based coffee shop, when some hot-shot entrepreneur came along and informed them that selling pre-made drinks would make them so much more money. They were dumb and told him that coffee should be made at home and that he should go get a life. So he did; and in the process he opened this small coffee chain called Il Giornale, where he was an unsuccessful failure because he did not sell "green" coffee beans. Just kidding!

This is what coffee shops in Dubai look like.

In 1987, the original three owners of Starbucks actually sold their company to Il Giornale, and henceforth all Il Giornale coffee shops were to be known as Starbucks. And the rest is history!!

Starbucks Fun Facts:

• The first Starbucks location outside of the United States is the Tokyo, Japan location. With all of the Japanese swimming in sake, you would think that they needed something to cure their hangovers...
• There used to be a Starbucks in the formal imperial palace in China, but apparently it infringed on the Chinese culture, so the government ordered it out (after getting their fill of caramel frappachinos, that is!)
• Upon deeper research, the Starbucks mermaid does not have nipples because showing a mythical creature's bare breasts in public is considered crass. But never fear! You can still get topless women tattooed onto your biceps.
• The Skinny Vanilla Latte is Starbucks' most ordered drink.
• There are over 87,000 drink combinations. Start ordering now and you may have tried every one by the time you're 456!!
• No longer does your Starbucks drink have to be too tall to wear jeans, you can now order drinks in the 8 oz. "vertically-challenged" variety. Also known in Starbucks stores as short.

Enjoy the post about Starbucks. Just remember, too much caffeine can stunt your growth and make you sweat a lot, like my diction teacher.

Stay klassy, my friends!

That College Girl Look

So for the past few days, my buddy-ole-pal Megan and I have been partaking in a social experiment.

Leggings.

I think we should title this experiment: Leggings are NOT Pants!!!



Anyway, as a social experiment, Megan and I each went to a different public place wearing only leggings and shoes on our bottom halves. To those of you who cringe at the thought of wearing only thin fabric to cover your tush, I applaud you! For those of you who don't: read on.

Today, I went to the gym wearing only my leggings under my t-shirt and sweat. And let me tell you something, I've never been flat out hit on at the gym in my entire life. Talk about awkward. All of the guys at the machines stared at the junk in my trunk the whole time, and the girls glared at me like I was some kind of slut. Maybe I just naturally give off that vibe, but I noticed the other girls there that were wearing the same attire as I, and they were getting the same reactions from the general public. Classy? I think, no.

At the dining hall, Megan discovered that her legging-clad lower body drew much attention to her figure. All of the jocks in line for pizza did a double take when she walked past, and a guy at the drink machine almost walked into her because he was staring at her glutes rather than watching where he was going. Oh shallow college boys.

Between Megan's knowledge of psychology and my general awesomeness, here's what we've deduced:

• College boys are very, very shallow
• College girls only wear leggings to attract the opposite sex (afore mentioned shallow college boys)
• The cafeteria ladies do not appreciate when your pants are stretched really tight across your backside
• Leggings are really, really comfortable. Like, really
• That doesn't mean you should wear them in public
• Ugg boots make leggings look even more dumb
• Wearing leggings in the cold does not keep you warm
• Wearing normal pants in the cold does keep you warm
• Girls in leggings just want to show off how deep their leggings can get shoved up their butt-cracks before the leggings disappear and they're left naked.
• Leggings in public is a social NO!

So, ladies, have fun, stay warm, and for Pete's sake, PUT SOME PANTS ON!