Things I Learned From Shopping With My Mother

Yesterday my mother and I set out in the wee hours of the morning (9:00) to run some errands that we had both been avoiding for the past couple of months. What started off as an innocent morning of making returns and exchanges turned into something way bigger... a FULL BLOWN SHOPPING EXCURSION!!! As our trip progressed, my mother took the time to teach me a few lessons about life, liberty, and the pursuit of happy shopping:

• That lady from the Tide commercial who wears yoga pants because she's too lazy for real pants? Story. Of. My. Life.
• If it has "hypoallergenic" and "oil-reducing" on the label, the cosmetic is worth buying.
• "Buy two, get one FREE" nail polish deals are the best invention since sliced cheese.
• Awkwardly staring at a woman across the restaurant until you figure out if you know her or not is a perfectly acceptable social habit.
• It's okay to buy your kid's mouth guard and chin strap for football, but when the word "support" is involved, the responsibility of the purchase is immediately shifted to Daddy.
• Nike shorts are severely over-priced.
• But neon Nike shorts are really, really cool.
• Going through two different lines at Hobby Lobby in order to use two 40% off coupons is perfectly acceptable.
• Anyone who finds a really awesome cupcake liner should do a happy dance.
• You shouldn't buy a new swimsuit you're totally in love with if you are planning to lose (or gain...) any weight. If you do, you probably won't get to wear the suit of your dreams for very long.
• If the girl selling you makeup is wearing a lot of the stuff, chances are you will leave the store wearing the same amount, if not more, makeup than she is.
• If the waiter says, "Bonjour!" with a terrible American accent, you are not allowed to order your entire meal in French. That's just rude.
• Being late to pick up your brother when he returns from a mission trip is not a legitimate reason to rush through shopping.
• Cheetah-print nails are super-classy, even when they're not.



Note: this isn't my hand, but this is what my fingernails look like!

• You can never have too many white v-necks.
• The purchase of new soap will result in a long bath upon returning home.
• Buying brightly colored underwear is advised, as long as for every 5 colored pairs purchased a really boring, tan pair is also bought.
• Going to the Verizon store with phone issues may result in an phone upgrade.

Shop classily, my friends.

Facelift

I gave zee bloggity a makeover! Honestly, I was getting really tired of the old layout; it was all mismatched and very unoriginal, etc., etc., etc. For your reading pleasure, here are some cosmetic surgery fun-facts (source):

• The top 5 cosmetic surgery procedures for 2010, with number completed, are as follows:
• Breast augmentation (318,123) -- I assume these are mostly women...
• Liposuction (289,016)
• Eyelid surgery (152,123)
• Abdominoplasty (144,929)
• Breast Reduction (138,152)
• Almost 1,000,000 people had a laser hair removal procedure in 2010. That is a lot of hair being removed.
• "Americans spent nearly $10.7 billion on cosmetic procedures in 2010. Of that total almost $6.6 billion was spent on surgical procedures; $1.9 billion was spent on injectable procedures; $1.8 billion was spent on skin rejuvenation procedures; and almost $500 million was spent on other nonsurgical procedures including laser hair removal and laser treatment of leg veins."
• White people are the leading majority in plastic surgery procedures (81%), followed closely by Hispanics at 8%.
• Only 19% of these cosmetic procedures occurred in a hospital. 56% of patients went to a private office, and the other 24% went to a free-standing surgicenter. That's a lot of sketchy surgery going on!

Enjoy the new layout and keep all of your future cosmetic procedures classy!